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I’m Baaaaaack!

After a long hiatus of traveling and eating…I’m back. Yesterday, my sister and I went to Weight Watchers. So here goes again. Positive : still no Diet Coke. Not so positive: McDonalds (breakfast) and Wendy’s (dinner).  It started with grilled chicken sandwiches and then Whooooooosh. It truly is like an alcoholic that CANNOT have just one little sip. So…it’s good to be on track again. Something healthy and accountable.

Ooooh that DAMN wagon, it hurts so much when you fall off and it seems so high up when you’re trying to get back on!

OK…..Do Over.

So here is the good news….I haven’t had any McDonalds and I haven’t had any soda. Now here is the bad news….I have had just about everything else.  I feel like crap.  Seriously, this morning I feel like throwing up because I had a fried chicken sandwich for dinner last night.  Yuck.  My body feels run down and blah. 

I have been traveling for my job every week and it’s been difficult to make healthy choices.  Not sure how it got to fried chicken sandwich with fries but along the way, every meal was a little worse than the last one.  There is no excuse really, there is a gym at almost every hotel I stay at, but I haven’t been working out.  I was doing the elliptical but my knees started to hurt and when I stopped, they felt better.  Then I read an article about them not being good for your knees even though they are supposed to be great because they are “non-impact.”  Anyhoo….

Before I get back to 316….or somewhere near there, I have to stop and do over, do again, keep trying, don’t give up….all that good stuff.  I really do feel pitiful and I at least want to feel like I am on the right path when my 35th birthday rolls around in December. 

So today is for meditating on all the reasons I want it.  I’ll make a list throughout the day and post it tonight.  When deciding if I am going to eat “whatever” or not, it has to be about which do I want more…..the food or the result of not having it.  Since the result of not having it is not instantaneous like the feeling of fullness, I have to focus on the long-term a bit more….see the vision clearly of where I want to be.

STUMBLING

Here is where I would usually stop…where the battle that goes on in my mind each day becomes too much and I succumb to the drive through, or a big cheesecake or whatever is tempting me that day.  It’s been a very stressful few days…work is crazy, really in need of some down time. My boyfriend is stressed too so I am trying to be supportive as he is to me…we’re both just trying to find a way to get everything done, taken care of, etc.  So I was driving today out of town where I will spend the next week in hotels (a different one each night)…and I was just wanting to be back home.  I’ve been feeling the last few days like I might cheat if I could figure out exactly what it was I wanted. Suprisingly, it wasn’t McDonald’s.  I was craving SOMETHING, but I couldn’t put my finger on it to try to find a healthy substitute for it. It was just this lingering craving “something is not quite right so eat” thing.  So I pulled over today for lunch, I had good intentions..I wasn’t going to drive-through anywhere….I went into O’Charley’s and got a salad. But then the words “cheeseburger and fries” came out of my mouth.  In the blur of the next moments, I was happy. Then….VERY sad.  I know while I was eating it, I was saying “This is wrong, this is bad” so I KNEW what I was doing.  It wasn’t like I was out of control.  So back into the car, miserable, miserable, and I call my boyfriend.  I couldn’t believe I was telling him I cheated, but I felt like if I didn’t tell him, I would be pulling over for candy, donuts, who knows what.  He said all of the right things…that I can’t punish myself but I have to “make up for it” tonight.  Not next weekend or tomorrow…tonight.  That I have to say “Ok, I made that mistake, but it’s not the end of my journey, it’s just a part of it. I’m on the right path, and I can’t let one cheeseburger ruin that.”  I feel better. I am going to go run the stairs of the hotel. It’s not punishment, just accountability for myself. I’m so glad the name of this blog is “Stumbling Through” because the imperfection of my journey will probably rear it’s head a few times.  Everyone stumbles….who gets back up?

I know I posted that I was down to 288 last week but it’s nowhere to be found. Anyway, I’m Thrilled to be in the 280’s and now on to the 70’s! On the road this week which is good because the hotel gyms make it easier. The breakfast buffets are challenging but I can do it. 279…here I come.

I like this video because #1 I like the music, and #2 I think it shows really well how much of a difference 179.6 pounds is from 145 pounds.  Sometimes when we have a lot of weight to lose and we have only lost 30 pounds or so we think “well that’s nothing.”  Really, it’s not. There is a big difference between the Before and After pictures here so I just have to imagine that on my own body, even if I can’t “see” it right now.  This girl looks great and you can just tell from the song and that “focused” look on her face that was going to do it no matter what.  She used Weight Watchers which I think, well I know, is a great program.  

Z Sweet Sweetener….Sweet!

menu_bar_zsweetlogo.jpg

So I was in my most favorite organic, all natural, earthy, dread lock-wearing cashier store lately chatting with the very, very knowledgeable GM (ok so I was inspecting their store) but I got some good info while I was there.  One product I learned about, bought and liked was Z Sweet.  He told me it was all natural and it has a low glycemic index which I am just starting to learn about and get more into. This sweetener doesn’t have that aftertaste like Splenda has and it mixes pretty well so far with everything I have tried.  They have some good recipes for diabetics on their site too.  He also told me some lovely things about regular milk and the amount of “cow pus” that is in it. Ew. I think I’ll save that one for it’s own entry…it deserves it.

 

PS–I am down to 290 today. Ooooh the 80’s are SOOOO close!!!

Yeah! I’m so excited to be so close to the 280’s! Then 70’s and 60’s and…

Favorite snacks this week: Kashi Anything, cereal, crackers, frozen dinners. I love the ranch crackers, I really can just eat three or four and I’m satisfied.

I also like Hodsons Mill angel hair whole grain pasta but I have to be careful with it. Anyway, on the move! Write more later!